Saturday, September 29, 2012

My Honey

Richard William Weisbecker

August 29, 1954 - September 25, 2012

My soulmate, my friend, my lover, the one that GETS me, and the marriage we decided would have no rules. I will love you forever dear Rich and I know you will be with me forever. Sometime I will write more, I just want to tell the world that I love Rich and I always will. We never knew a life without Cancer, from before we were married we knew it was there. But we never lived like we had anything but health in our lives. For that I am grateful. I lost a husband but i gained a very lovely new family. It will never be the same without Rich but I am so very thankful I had the time with him that I did.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Sharing just some of the best 3 years of my life.

Well actually more than 3 years. It will be 3 years on November 7, 2012, But Rich and I have dated and been together for over 5 years. We didnt get married as soon as possible, and it was good for us to wait, he had somethings he was working on in himself to make him a better person, and in hindsight we grew so much closer in those years before we were married. We didnt live together, we kept our own "stuff" and so when we got married it was the most wonderful time, to really now, then, be husband and wife. OF course it took me nearly 2 years to sell my condo so in hindsight we should have gotten a jump on that :) 

As some of you know our lives have never been without cancer. He was diagnosed 6 weeks before our wedding. He was at Mayo for longer than we had thought and we postponed our wedding, to be sure he was strong enough. We didnt send out invites, we just got the word out. We ran out of food at teh reception, either people were that hungry or morepeople came than we thought. It was perfect none the less. 

Here are just some fun pictures that make me smile: 

One of my very first triathlon's. Rich drove me alot further than i expected one dark morning. 

This is in Georgetown at my cousins wedding, Rich had just proposed.
It was my parents 51st anniversary, we ended up gettting married on their anniversary and will always share that day with them.

Cupcakes at our reception

I just like this one, i dont know where its from

Tuesday Night TT's with the botttle openers we won!

Mexico, winter of 2010 with  my parents I just remember it rained alot! I know! Mexico? 

Rich brought me to Arizona only a few months after we had met. I was suspcious of anything that didnt have an ocean. I am forever grateful bc Tucson has to be one of my all time favorite places. And to ride there, is Heaven. I will ride there again. I owe it to Rich, because he will be with me. 

Summer/July 2010 we did the Triple Bypass.
Dang, that was fun. All on a 23, i am now a sissy who rides a 27.

Honeymoon, sorry out of order. Rich had a colostomy, he had that for about 9 mos before they reversed it. He did more stuff with a "bag" than some of us do when we are 100%.

As you can sense we are in a tough place here. We have started hospice care and we are praying that we can keep him comfortable and help him on this journey. I think today as i write this its the first time i have written in my head, without losing more salts than i did in a race. Lots of tears. He is so strong and the Grace with which he has weathered more scars and more surgeries and more chemo's than you can imagine strengthens me to know that I owe it to him to stay brave and stay strong.

This is from New Hampshire. It pains me to say this but Rich isnt free now. He deserves better.
He will get that sometime, and his journey there will rewardhim. IF you arent a believer in God, then just move along, but for us it's been amazing to know he has better times ahead.

This picture is labor day 2012. Walking was getting harder and he was tired alot. Today he still smiles like this. That spirit will always be with me, even if physically he isnt with me.

Ok now i am crying again.
Thanks for all the love, you guys mean more to me than i can write. You have helped so much.
Keep at it, I know its going to be tough for me. you dont wait 40 + years to find your soulmate then lose him and move on.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Ironman Wisconsin Race Report: 26.2 Friends

Before I get to any race report I have to give myself a huge fashion high five ( HFHF) for putting together a functional yet cool outfit in a chilly morning race. Thanks to Angela for the socks. Everyone now run to Target and get a pair of your own. Ok on to the race.

It's no surprise this Ironman was a bit different than last year. For obvious reasons i struggled this year. The physical struggle of basically dropping out of racing in early june to rest and fix a hamstring tendonopathy was a huge decision, the right one, but very tough for me. I wish i could have St. Croix 70.3 back ( without the rain but with lance!) and with a healthy body. So putting all my eggs in one basket was tough. The IM basket. I was right on pace with riding and swimming all summer. Running took another hit ( literally) when after Firehouse 50 i played Humpty Dumpty and fell over at the finish. 
Oh i needed to clip out? I had booties on so i couldnt get out of my shoes likei normally do in a tri. wopsy. That led to reactive tendonitis in my hip and i ran both my long runs ( yes , just 2) with excruciating pain off my greater trochanter ( your hip bone). Eventually we did an xray, no need to break a hip. It was clear ( THANKGOD) but the inflammation in that area was not going away with massage/celebrex/ice. We decided 10 days out to inject it. There are too many turn arounds at Wisconsin and one of the things that really hurt was turning left on my left leg to turn around 180 deg. Like every 2 miles you do that in Madison.

I got 2 lidocaine shots and 2 coritsone shots to the deep hip rotators ( those are deeep!) ouch. I was in alot of pain labor day weekend and just kept faith it was the insult of the shots. It was. I was fine a few days later, but that was close. i had not a hint of hip pain race day. Cortisone isnt for everyday use but it sure does work if the biomechanics are right and you arent re-irritating it daily. I HOPED that it would work since it was the fall on my hip that started it. Ok. So you see that i had a great MD: Patient relationship this year. I am so lucky my MD is here for me. I love her:) too much maybe!

Obviously come August we also knew that Rich was getting worse. He was in a lot of pain and stopped working pretty abruptly. I tried many times to "get out of IM," but he wouldnt let me and i really wanted to see it thru. His riding buddies took up the slack and helped me do some of the longer rides. I got stronger riding alone ( mentally) bc I had to. I never run with anyone so that wasnt a big deal. I cried the first ride ( long ride) i did withuot Rich. Because i knew I would not ride with him again. I had a very hard time taking the emotion out of the bike because it is what he loves and it is what we have loved doing together. 

So here is my race report: 

Swim: I was crying before I even got in the water. Not the best to be feeling vulnerable before you get into the lake with a bunch of aggressive males. I realized it was possibly my last race with Rich there. I put on my "I am going to kick your A$$" hat and climbed in with all the green caps.

 Best IM swim ever. I didnt get touched. I now know where to start, and i swam faster so it all worked out. I had perfect control of the water and my male green capped bashers were under my spell. Nobody touched me but i still got a good draft. The back side was tough, some chop, which is fine. I like the one loop, way better. 

T1: Helix run is always crazy with fans. Fun to see everyone! I got into the Terrace and got my fashion on and off i went. 

Bike: Or the lows. My Joule read 350 Watts heading out onto teh course. Yah not quite. So why all the sudden i was riding like Jens Voight i dontknow. That was worthless for 112 miles and made my ride a bit tough, i know how to ride by feel but with wind and hills ireally was planinng on Power. No use crying over it but i was bummed.
Aunt Flow showed up so i knew i had to stop and use a real porta potty, Plus i didnt want to ruin my new Soas shorts. That plus the headwind plus some pouty low moments made my ride drag on FOR-EVER. I still think riding 112 miles is TOO. FAR!!! I got in all my nutrition, peed twice, did what i was told and tried to now pout too much.
To be honest every girl that passed me, whether i knew them or not, offered encouragement. And for the most part i acted like Kristin Wiig in BridesMaids..."blahblahblah Helen, arent you great..." and some snotty look. In my defense we watched Bridesmaids sunday after the race and I realized my attitude was a bit like her's. Not the entire ride but surely some of it.
I did feel like my heart hurts every minute of everyday so i just at times didnt want to hurt. There I said it.

T2: I didnt have any interest in running but i talked myself off the bike and decided to just go to T2. Really I was ready to just hang out. I figured i could just run a few miles then decide. Kristin Wiig was still around in T2, getting pissed at Helen for passing her on the bike. 

Run: But wouldnt you know it? i felt great, I had legs I ran fast ( oops) to begin with. And then i started to have fun. I decided on the bike that IF I WAS GOING TO RUN I was going to do it under my terms. After about mile 8 i never looked at my Garmin. I also decided that EACH mile was going to be dedicated to one of you, or my family, or someone that had helped me get to the start. You all know who you are, those of you that wrote the lovely notes/cards/essays to me and Rich, my thank you to you, was to run a mile for YOU! Now I do admit that I may have doubled up once or twice on the Rachel Ross /Beth Walsh/Charisa Wernick miles when i needed some speed and I also admit after about mile 13 I may or may not have run a 1/2 mile or 2 miles for you because mid mile I would forget who that current mile was for. I didnt exclude you if you were a slower runner bc determination and courage also got points as much as your pace per mile. I even ran a mile for our Oncologist, even tho she has not been successful in treating /curing my husband's cancer. She has a thankless job and she deserved a mile.  
Honestly that is what i was thinking along the run. My ITBand got pissed off, it still is but it wasnt until mile 20 that it really hurt. I never had any energy lows, i ran all the hills, I didnt stop nor did i even think about stopping. I think i could have gone faster, but with my ITB wanting in on the party I decided it wasnt worth it. I ran thru that finish and didnt lie down in the grass and get sick. I was ok. Woozy, but OK. There was the regular post race Gel tummy, with many bathroom stops but ididnt feel nauseated or sick. I took in alot of water on the course, and i think my body was just getting things out.

My sister took this of me in my chocolate milk mylar blanket...super cozy!

 Post IM: "Yes I really feel like stopping for a photo. not." And turn off that light.

The Aftermath:
I was wicked sore. I still am. Mostly quads. MY wrist got beat up too, garmin impact from the bike and i cant say for sure what it is but i think i must have had the death grip on my bike at times wth the wind. For me, that was a windy ride. I need some implants to weigh down my front end if its going to be windy.

Rich, my super sister, and I headed home monday. No awards, no rolldown. I was tempted but its back to my reality now. Sunday was my day off, Its been tough, no lies that things are not going well here and since i could barely walk monday and tuesday it was rough. I wasnt a very good wife to Rich but i tried:)

I am proud i finished. I didnt have the joy i did last year out there. I have waited all year to get ths done. But i am so lucky to have so many friends out there and family that supported me, and mostly Rich, who never once made me feel bad or selfish for finishing off this goal. I stopped on the run to give him a hug and kiss, it was worth every second lost.

So what is next? Cupcakes, some wine and some rest.