Happy December!

Happy December from MN! Its nearly 45 right now and part of me wishes I was on my bike. Part of me wishes I was in a winter wonderland and could go ski. I have alot of skis. Skate skis, Classic skis, downhill skis, short skis, long skis...and when I used to play tennis I would go from playing indoors and make a stop at como park to do a 5k ski loop. I loved it bc the tennis was indoors and all stuffy and dark, then getting outdoors to ski was like a bright part of my day. A bit cold but that is why i never got more than 2.5 k from the car!

It's so hard this time of year to tell what kind of winter we may have. Either way its looking like a condensed winter meaning you can sure pack alot into a wet /active Jan - March but after that you know that snow cant stay around TOO long. Or so you would think. And why all this talk about snow, and why am I blogging about it?

Do your best to follow this thinking, ok?

When Rich was sick he had alot of neuropathy esp in his hands and feet. So cold was not our friend. Couple that with my reynaud's and general freeze-baby status, made me pretty shy about doing much outside other than running. Yet I would go ride my bike outside in 20 degrees. So now i am thinking, why not ski? Why can i ride my bike outside but not ski?

Well. I am not that great of a skier so there maybe some ego issues there:) being sorta competitive eh?
But at the same time i love it and i know i am not going to ski "LIKE THAT." at least this year. The last year i really skied alot i realized i never waxed my skis. hmm, Maybe that would help, ya think?
Plus the chemical heaters are helpful and Its fun to think that maybe i can get out there and learn something new and different. My PT is loving the idea of the skate skiiing, which i liked the best, bc it really engages those mm we never use in SBR.

So as much as i said last post how paralyzed I am, I sorta feel like i am moving forward now. It is hard to explain how i had nearly 12 months to start to grieve what was coming. We never woke up every morning saying "lets think about death today," we chose to wake up and say "what can i do to LIVE LIFE, today?" So maybe those looking in, even Rich's close family, may have a longer road of acceptance. I maybe the lucky one, that every day esp in the last year of Rich's life i was able to live with him while also accepting what was happening. So in some sense I feel like I have had time to grieve and accept. It's not that i dont miss him and I will love him everyday, but I also know that he gave me alot that last year and I will carry that forward in my life everyday. As much as I did for him through the 3 years of his Cancer, he gave me alot in return. And I feel really empowered by that.

So how does this relate to winter? Well I am going to try to get out there and do some different stuff. Try to live a life free of cancer and a life full of possibility and health. With nothing lurking in the back of my head about an inevitable end to it all.

So to end this blog with a more shallow tone, ie not deep:) I am obsessed with this new show called Nashville. Its part smut, part romannce novel ( smut) and part fun clothing and fun music. I never thought i liked that kind of music, but i really enjoy it and found myself on a western ( is that country western? see i dont even know what to call it) radio station the other day. And best of all I love it bc Connie Britton went to Dartmouth and is just the nicest girl, She was in my sorority and was just solid. The girl you want to be your friend. She and Hayden Pattieniere ( sp?) crack me up. check it out, you will be out buying cowboy boots and fun jeans after you watch it!