Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Real Life

It's been a wild ride the last two weeks. And I am going to cut to the chase. Some of you know this and I really appreciate the privacy you have given me. Rich was diagnosed with Metastatic Cancer.  It is asymptomatic which is a blessing, but also made it that much more shocking. I SOOOOO want to tell you more and talk more about this but the same people that used my blog against us, shamefully, in the pas,t can and will do that again and so since i dont want to make this blog private you are getting few details. Please refrain from FB ing about this, its just not something i feel is recent news - worthy.

I decided to blog about this bc I need to for me. I need to for us, and again, for me. I also want to blog bc I know many of you praying, thinking, sending good healing vibes will help us as we start yet another journey into fighting Cancer.

My feelings have been pretty raw this last week. I have been thru the denial, the acceptance and the shock that comes with this. It's not as cut and dry as it was 2 years ago, and for that i am so sad. But at the same time miracles happen everyday. We have to believe in them, and we have to keep positive. I have thought alot about how my IM training is helping me deal with this. I do mean that. I think we have to be relentlessly positive, otherwise you have no hope. When you have no hope, you just give up.

And at the same time as many of you, my friends, were in Kona racing and spectating, I had some pretty strong feelings about what that all meant to me. I wanted to yell at the top of my lungs that KONA is AWESOME, but its not real life. I am not angry...I wanted to be there, trust me!!  I was acutely aware that if your bike was hard and windy, that you were biking, not talking to your Oncologist. I wanted you all to SOAK IT UP, and to really really have a blast. Stuff like this doesnt make me say "WHY ME?" but more so " WHY NOT ME?" I mean why dont I have cancer?

And then you realize it's just another reason to be so damn thankful for what you have today. And to take life day by day and to love, laugh do what makes you happy, and not sweat the small stuff. If you think you dont have enough money, think about why you think you need so much money to make you happy. If you think you arent fast enough, figure out how being faster is really going to help you or make you happier. If you arent happy, figure out why and dont just blame everyone else. Do something for yourself.

Ok over and out, sorry for the trip to Cancerland. But I will be here for awhile, hope to be able to share more, but for now its all i feel SAFE sharing.

23 comments:

Marit C-L said...

Oh Julia - we love you and Rich. It takes a lot of courage to go through what the two of you are experiencing. Thank you for sharing - sending all of my love to you both!

Kim said...

julia, my thoughts and prayers are with you and rich.

marian said...

love and healing to both of you!
hold on to those precious moments of joy.

Rebecca DeWire said...

This post is making me teary, seriously. All I can think of saying is that cancer sucks. I thought your writing about "real life" and just being happy and grateful was well written.

thepumpkinsdiary said...

oh NO!!! Sending positive thoughts and love to you and Rich. I am terribly sorry the two of you have to go through cancerland one more time. Shit shit shit! Ok positive thoughts headed your way!!!

Jennifer Harrison said...

Ugh, you know I have been thinking of you and RICH and will continue to do so through ALL of this.x

runningyankee said...

here's what i think. i think rich is awesome. i think you are strong. i think cancer doesnt deserve to be capitalized. lots of love and healing to you both :)

SSB said...

You know my thoughts on cancer. Sending good vibes to both you and Rich. You'll both beat this! Xoxo

SSB said...

Oh and people who read blogs and use the info or are mean suck. You wouldn't believe some of the comments I got when I posted about my mom.

Steve said...

Sorry Julia, the little I know of you, I know you battle a lot of things, or have.

Kindest wishes. :)

Michelle Simmons said...

Wow. So sorry you are going through that... again. :( You are RIGHT. Kona is not real life at all... but figuring out how to be relentlessly positive in the face of adversity is. Good lessons for us all.

Jennifer said...

Julia,
I have read your blog for a while (and known you for a long time! but have never commented). I am so sorry for the diagnosis. Positive thoughts going out to both of you, and your families.

Nicole said...

I'm a long time reader with no commenting (so that probably makes me a stalker...) but I wanted you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you both through this difficult journey.

Beth said...

:( So sorry to read this Julia. You guys are of course in our prayers! Relentless positivity!!

Molly said...

Hugs to you both during this rough time! You have our positive thoughts and prayers!!!

LizH said...

Oh Julia! I am so sorry to read this. you guys are such amazing peeps...will be thinking positive thoughts for you and your family.

ADC said...

Oh Julia, I didn't know. I am thinking of you and Rich. I hope that you will get through this and I know that you are strong. If there is anything I can do to help please let me know. But for now I will be thinking and praying.

ironmomma.com said...

thoughts, hugs and love to you guys.......

Jenn said...

Wow. Really can't even pretend to relate here....SO tough....Simply, I'm sorry. Thoughts and prayers and vibes and well-wishes and hope and faith and love ALL sent your way!!

MB said...

Keep up your strength, optimism, and zest for life. And even when you can't, we are all here to help. Hang in there, we are all praying for you two!

BriGaal said...

Thinking of you and Rich! I often find myself thinking similar thoughts about real life v triathlon. It's good to have perspective.

Eclectchick said...

HI Julia - I am so terribly sorry to read of the tough times you and Rich are having. Sending many, many positive vibes your way. Hang in there, Ironlady!

Dr. TriRunner said...

All I can do is send you a hug and say you and Rich are in my thoughts and prayers. If you ever want to meet up for that walk/coffee that we talked of so long ago, let me know!