It's been a wild ride the last two weeks. And I am going to cut to the chase. Some of you know this and I really appreciate the privacy you have given me. Rich was diagnosed with Metastatic Cancer. It is asymptomatic which is a blessing, but also made it that much more shocking. I SOOOOO want to tell you more and talk more about this but the same people that used my blog against us, shamefully, in the pas,t can and will do that again and so since i dont want to make this blog private you are getting few details. Please refrain from FB ing about this, its just not something i feel is recent news - worthy.
I decided to blog about this bc I need to for me. I need to for us, and again, for me. I also want to blog bc I know many of you praying, thinking, sending good healing vibes will help us as we start yet another journey into fighting Cancer.
My feelings have been pretty raw this last week. I have been thru the denial, the acceptance and the shock that comes with this. It's not as cut and dry as it was 2 years ago, and for that i am so sad. But at the same time miracles happen everyday. We have to believe in them, and we have to keep positive. I have thought alot about how my IM training is helping me deal with this. I do mean that. I think we have to be relentlessly positive, otherwise you have no hope. When you have no hope, you just give up.
And at the same time as many of you, my friends, were in Kona racing and spectating, I had some pretty strong feelings about what that all meant to me. I wanted to yell at the top of my lungs that KONA is AWESOME, but its not real life. I am not angry...I wanted to be there, trust me!! I was acutely aware that if your bike was hard and windy, that you were biking, not talking to your Oncologist. I wanted you all to SOAK IT UP, and to really really have a blast. Stuff like this doesnt make me say "WHY ME?" but more so " WHY NOT ME?" I mean why dont I have cancer?
And then you realize it's just another reason to be so damn thankful for what you have today. And to take life day by day and to love, laugh do what makes you happy, and not sweat the small stuff. If you think you dont have enough money, think about why you think you need so much money to make you happy. If you think you arent fast enough, figure out how being faster is really going to help you or make you happier. If you arent happy, figure out why and dont just blame everyone else. Do something for yourself.
Ok over and out, sorry for the trip to Cancerland. But I will be here for awhile, hope to be able to share more, but for now its all i feel SAFE sharing.