It's been a long few weeks

Just a check in to let you know i am alive. Despite people thinking if you dont blog you must be injured or otherwise not interested in training, this isnt the case. Lately I have just been busy busy busy and barely even getting my normal day to day stuff done, much less blogging.

The past few weeks have been tough, and i mean Life Tough, not " OMG i had to do a track workout and i nearly died" tough. That sorta tough i can do. Life tough is harder. From my hand not fully wanting to be normal, to going to Mayo for a day with my sister ( she is ok), to Chemo and some stuff with Rich it has had me not taking very good care of myself. It's not like i am trying to NOT take care of myself, it just sorta happens that way. Usually it culminates in something like me pulling what i am calling a BETH SHUTT.
I walked into our lower basement closet ( its under the stairs, so you know where this is going) and there is no light. Why we store our wheel bags in there, in the dark is unknown to me. So WHAM i walk into the stair and hit a nail with my forehead. But I am very determined to find some skewers. I feel the blood but i decide not to look in the mirror for fear of freaking out. Rich tells me to wash it, I have blood all over my forehead. I was proud i didnt start crying and melt down. But i did look like a dork at the pool today with my snoopy bandaid, actually i switched it out for a clear water proof one. It's not deep just looks like i poked my head:)

Then i was looking for a pedal wrench that Rich needs and i had a few close calls with cabinets, etc and knew it was time to stop before i really did need stitches. This ends a long week.

My hand has 1-2 stitches that are not dissolving. So i guess your body tries to get them out. So i have a hard time resting on the hoods when riding my road bike. I have a little set up i can use with a corn donut but it still hurts when i hit bumps and my hand cramps bc I have to hold it funny. But i cant complain, I am outside riding. No complaints just wish it wouldnt hurt!

Spending a full day at Mayo was good, we got some answers for my sister, and i felt like the A++ tourguide knowing all the buildings, where to park, where to get Jimmy John's and where all the best bathrooms are. But at the same time it really freaked me out. It brought back some really BAD ( for lack of a better negative vibe term) memories and as much as i love that place for medical care Its sad bc everyone there for the most part is there for something serious. When you think about it, that makes it touching and scarey to be there again.

Then i ran a race this weekend. I had not felt great all week, just tired, and didnt feel recovered and not sleeping great. I have gotten to the point where i am looking for my "nibble" of ambien at night. I dont like taking that, but even 1/4 of a 10 mg pill helps. We had a work dinner friday night that was for Rich and I had to go. IT was not what i would have eaten before a half mary and it was alot of "blahlblahblah" I would not have normally done the night before a race either. I had no wine. And after the race saturday i had a split second of thinking I must have needed wine. Then when i nearly passed out in my sisters kitchen I realized that was not what i needed the night before. I needed salt.

IT as hot and humid. And the course was deceptively challenging with a mostly downhill out with a tailwind and a mostly uphill back with a headwind. I Ran that entire thing in Zone 4. Yup. Maybe that will get me out of some interval work to come, but honestly that was how hard i was working to keep a 7:15-7:20 pace. And i knew around mile 4 i was not going to be able to do that. I eased it back a bit and at the turn around the hills hit and the wind hit and it was a total sufferfest. My toes cramped around mile 8, my quad starting to talk to me around mile 8 too. The only other time i have had toe cramps, you know, the one's that wake you up at night when they get STUCK? those. Was in Kansas last year and as i ran and tried to not blowup, I had the " LIGHT BULB" go off.

Guess who needs salt? Me! Guess who had no clue she would need salt in March at an 8 am race? ME!
I had plenty of Kcals on board, just not enough Na+ so i shot a powergel ( brought it just in case as i had a hand held flask i knew i would ditch) and i think that Powergel and its CRAMP busting powers got me over the finish much slower than the way out, but still within 3 minutes of my flat and cool race in April in Naples FLA. Hard to swallow that run as i felt much better trained than i ran, but i also felt like those last 4 miles were like the IM. So guess i did what i could. As I left the race site there were at least 2 ambulances so i know i didnt hurt myself. Walked to my sisters about a mile away then got sorta woozy so she gave me some gatorade. I had given my beer coupons away:)

As much as that Half was hard and I kept telling myself to be Brave, to not giveup even tho i felt like my legs were LEAD, it will serve me i know. It wasnt THAT hot but the humidity was up and 70's and humid is a change from 40-50 even. It tells me what i need to work on with the nutrition for my upcoming hot races, and i am determined to give the Liquid shot one more try bc it just sits better in my stomach than the powergels, But it will mean some playing around with Salt Stick. Scarey to think i dont have this down yet. and it is EARLY I know we arent acclimated!

We head west thursday, after rich gets unplugged from chemo. I really need a vacation. A vacation to take care or me, to do what i want to do, and not what everyone else needs. I need a vacation to just decompress, not worry, to not worry about whether my mother in law knows where we are every minute, and after a week of that I get to go play with my JHC pals. I cant wait.

ME

My mind has been in a thousand places this past week. Bouncing around from Rich to work, to Rich, to training, to Rich, to work, to family support and my awesome friends, to Rich, to Mayo, to...you get the idea. When i was running today I finally said to myself...ME. ME. ME. ME.

With a recent post by girl pal Mary on motherhood and all that it entails I realized i wanted to write about ME. Not about Mayo, not about Day 6 or whatever day it is, not about NG tubes, hydration and not about Cancer. This was hard for me to realize. Last time I was down here with Rich we were uncertain about his prognosis. To date we know he is cancer free. That makes all this "complications" from surgery seem ok. Last time we were here we had the wedding on the horizon, would we get married? would he be ok? would he have the energy? And I was also DONE for the season with my racing and the training was sorta to keep me sane. It was the start of winter hibernation.

When I planned my race calender for 2010 we were to have had this current surgery DONE! It was planned for January 2010, but our surgeon suggested waiting another 3 mos, and if the surgeon wants to wait, by all means, we were for it. Little did i know that this would bring the surgery to about 2-3 weeks pre my first big race of the season. Lonestar 70.3, or Memorial Hermann 70.3, or whatever IM is calling it. I just know i signed up bc my sister lives in Houston and I thought it would be fun to have girls weekend in Galveston. I had no plans to be training thru my hubby's Mayo stay. Luckily we had a great build at JH camp and the after camp in Green Valley. I think i got some good volume in and despite it being concentrated I think it helped. I hope. At least i got to ride and run in temps over 30 degrees. Lol.

As i ran today ( and felt like my legs were back after the Tucson trip! yea!) I realized I have done NO speed work. I have raced once. a 10 miler which was a good race for me for March. I have been on my Tri bike 1x outside. I rode her yesterday for 2 hours. It was not a workout it was just an endurance ride. And i realized that 56 miles is gonna be hard. Yes we rode alot in Tucson. Alot of it involved climbs which means you get some free miles descending. Lonestar is flat flat flat. For me this means hard hard hard. I also realized its salt water. Oh boy. I guess i swam in St John's and didnt have a problem but i have to keep my mouth shut!

Anyways I wont dwell on all the "Oh crap" moments i have had this past week. Because at the end of the day I am so excited to get out and race and throw all expectations out the window. I really mean that. I HAD some time goals, and really now i just know that my competitive juices will flow when it counts, and if I am not feeling it I will pace as i need to in order to cross that line with my head high and my shoulders back. ( ie not hunched over like a little old lady!)

So this is the ME post I wanted. I wanted to write about me, and how this Cancer thing and how being at Mayo has made me feel. I am just hitting the surface of it really, but the guilt i feel leaving him here is huge, as i drive home every night and get up and drive down in the AM. I also know that after that first night ( where i was miserable! on the couch! ME again, remember this is about me, its my blog) I could not have left him. No way. And this is THE MAYO clinic.

I think you have to experience this place ( now dont go out of your way to get here) to understand how EXCELLENT the service is and how passionate and caring the RN's, to the MD's to the transport service to EVERY frickin person here is compassionate. I am not kidding. The people that take the parking tickets are professional and courteous. Really.

If i cant be confident leaving him here overnight I am nuts. Plus THEY get ALOT done at night. It is pretty weird/curious that when rest is so important to healing that they are in here every 2 hours doing stuff. Blood draws are at midnight, and there are other things that all require you to spell your name, state your date of birth, etc...all for positive ID before the shoot you up with Heparin or do whatever. Rich had an Ambien last night to sleep. Um, yeah right.

But still its hard to leave him here alone. Thank god the Master's is on :)

So i get up and try to get a workout in. Then i eat something and shower. The bad thing about not swimming as much this past week is there are no built in showers:) And riding early has still been chilly, so I have been on the trainer. But its all good since it makes my exit from the house faster. Then i throw more food into a bag, and grab more things to bring down to Mayo, and start driving. Now I am a bike racer. I like to drive fast. And up until friday I was safely and cautiously driving a speed that got me to Mayo in about 75 minutes. Lets just say that friday I cut my drive a bit too close to get to a 4:30pm appt in st paul. I got off the freeway and was right on time to get to my appt ( for a massage, selfish i know...but they give massages at mayo you know, so i wanted one too!) and as i was heading down a local street about 1 mile from the massage therapist I saw it.

That suspect car with the lights inside the car and too many antennae. I dropped speed FAST. But who knows where his little camera was sitting but I went by him and about 10 feet later i was pulled over. Nice. I have NEVER been pulled over EVER. I had alot going thru my head.

To make a long story short I was honest and told him i was coming back from Mayo and I knew i was speeding. I was going 44 in a 30. oops. He warned me and if we had had the updated insurance card in the glove compartment i would have been scott free. oops, again. I called Rich and he said "oh sorry." All is fine I just had to send in a copy of the card and i should be good to go.

Officer Friendly was SOOOO nice. I felt really lucky, he wanted to know how Rich was, wanted to know if i was ok, wanted to know more about our wedding, etc...and then wrote on the ticket "Very polite and courteous." I didnt cry and I didnt flirt. I just told him like it was. And I got lucky. And trust me I have slowed down. I know that driving fast isnt the answer, and trust me I was tempted to say " I race bikes and i had the perfect line coming into that corner." But i didnt. But crap. I mean really Julia. Dont be in such a frenzied rush as next time there could be a bike or a kid in the street. And if the Chief of the St Paul Police Dept was still Chief John Harrington ( he isnt anymore, he retired) I could have pulled the Dartmouth Card. Yup. Chief H is a Dartmouth grad:)

Thanks for reading about ME today. I will update more on FB about Rich:) Happy weekend everyone.

Day 3

Happy times!

If my selective memory serves me right day 3 was a pivotal day when we were here in October.

Rich always tells me that 72 hours is when inflammation peaks, and his body is proving to be a good case study. I am going to keep it short ( since I didnt last post!) and say we are hanging out at Mayo, the surgery was succesful in that they were able to do the procedure they had hoped, and now we wait until his GI tract calms down and he can take in nutrition and have normal body functions. ( I wont be more detailed than that!)

It sucks to see my honey in such agony, and when they put the NG tube back in we both groaned. And then he started throwing up ( double groan, bc you arent supposed to throw up with an NG tube, that is the point) and triple groan bc they have to reposition it and that hurts. Imagine a giant straw in your nose and down your throat. Ouch.

We got part way thru The Big Lebowski and he couldnt finish it. That tell's ya something bc the DUDE is Rich's favorite. Oh well, there is always tommorrow.

On my front ( yes I know i said this would be short..but..) Post Tucson I feel the effects of a less than comfortable couch here at Mayo, some fatigue still from the 10 days of training ( that i would not change in a second), I had an MRI of my left GH joint ( shoulder) and I am stressed out about Rich. Oh and I am leaving for Texas in how many days? To be honest I will be so happy to race Texas 70.3 or Lonestar or whatever it is called bc Greta hasnt even been outside yet. As for the MRI my Orthopod was not impressed and that is good. I know i still have something going on in there but thankfully nothing APPARENT that a surgeon wants to play around with. This is good news for swimming and means i just need to lay off the Atomic Pushups for a bit. OR forever. TRX is one strength wko i kinda liked so i hope i dont have to return to my stabilization and cuff exercises for good, but for now to get me to the start line of some races I would rather swim than do pushups!

Hope you are having good spring weather. We had 30 this AM and high of 53 so not really getting the 80's some of you are. Enjoy it!

TGIF

Is it really friday? Wow time flies.

So I was swimming this morning and thinking about all the things I am grateful for:

Rich..I would spend three pages on this so just say RICH.

My wonderful supportive friends and family

Rich's family, soon to be MY family too..legally I mean...so wonderful and supportive as well.

My blogger friends, some of you may think i am stalking you and i dont even know you but I have a bit more time on my hands lately to read all your fun and crazy stories! If I comment about how wimpy you are when it is 45 degrees, dont take it seriously. I just have lost my filter this last week:)

My parents especially who I feel have been so lucky to be in good health for so long. Mom, you had that little run in with Cancer a few years ago but at the ripe age of 77yo you beat that bad boy and are now running strong. Dad, you still amaze me and i think you should still sign up for a 5k and beat all the 50 yo's and win your 80-85 AG. You could SO go to Kona!

My co-workers. I work for a wonderful Non-Profit and my co-workers have just been so wonderful and supportive. I dont go to one site and i pretty much multi-task with different sites and management employees. It is a great job and i appreciate the flexbility it allows me, but i sometimes wonder if i really have a home base since i office from home. I sure found out that I do have a CORE support with my work even if i dont see them from 9-5 everyday.

The staff at Mayo..we call the MD's the three amigos, or the SUITS. This is a teaching hospital so with the lead Surgeon we get the chief resident and the 1st year resident AND the PA. They come in "the suits" and I spend most my time trying to break them and make them laugh. I did try this pre-surgery when i cracked a Steve Carrel 40 YO virgin joke about me waxing Rich's belly. And nobody smiled. But me. Ok save those for POST surgery. Now I have cracked all of them at least once. Gotta have some fun ya know. Everyone here is top notch. I mean that. Nobody wants to be here and from the lead Surgeon to the volunteers that come around to give you hand massages ( yes I am serious) this place is the best. Hands down I would come back here if i had to.

Starbucks versus Caribou. Granted I have cut back and i dont drink alot of coffee to begin with but I have had a direct back to back challenge going on with these two, each is within 1/2 block of the hospital. Now you may have your favorites but to be frank, I would not pick either one of them. Yup I am spoiled by my NINA's coffee and the local indy shops I support.

But that being said I only drink espresso and i dont do the foofy drinks. So head to head on the capps..both places seem to think that a dry capp means "oh just dont fill it up as high"

NO this should mean you actually have to make foam. And this means that you actually have to HOLD the pitcher and not just WEDGE itunder the foam head and let it scald and make a high pitched scream. I did cave and order a pumpkin pie latte the other day when i was feeling a bit like I wanted to shop :) ( hahaha, i dont like to shop) and it was good till i got to the place where the sweetener had settled. BLECK. then it tasted like melted candy corn with HFCS mixed in. I am going back to the Jasmine Tea for now, and then back to my tried and true espresso or cold press from my indy shops at home.

Ok that was a coffee rant, wasnt it. But i guess I am thankful for them, in a sick sorta way:)

Thankful for... continues now:

Sun, it came out today.

Jen, for giving me workouts to help make me feel normal and reminding me that i met all my goals this summer so i need to get my head in THIS game..Rich's game and take care of myself too.

My own bed. The cot in this room was awful.

KO, for the swimsuit and the ongoing support.

My own health. I would be lying if i didnt say that this has been hard. I think you kinda buck up and get thru it and rely on the IAMSTRONG...motto but at some point i think i have had a few little pressure releasing quakes and hope that there isnt THE BIG ONE...waiting to come. ( ok seismic jokes may not be funny to those of you living on a fault line...New Madrid is next to go, so San Andreas can relax)

And I am getting too longwinded so time to sign off.

Rich is having a rough day and we hope that once he is past the 72 hour mark things will be better. ( FYI..inflammation peaks at 72 hours so if you crash your bike or have some sort of acute injury..just know day3 isnt gonna be good, but after that you will be better) He is back on NPO ( no food by mouth) and we have to get him rehydrated bc his insides are kicking out too much fluid. He is walking fine, not resting much bc of all the pokes, but I keep telling him how lucky we are that we came here for a 2nd opinion. Thank GOD!

Thanks for reading my hodge podge and for all you folks that are not wanting to ride outside when it is 45, buck up and get out there for a bit...then finish it off inside...:)

Tuesday update

Quick update.

Rich came thru his surgery around noon and out of recovery around 3pm. The surgeon was quite pleased and said it went very well. Nothing out of the ordinary. We await a few more path reports on the nodes but for now..he is clear. Lots of healing to come, and then another procedure/surgey in 3 months but we are blessed and thankful for the care we have received thus far. Keep the prayers coming!

More IronGirl photos...

My friend Steve in a Speedo sent me these pics from Irongirl. I especially like the one of me taking the corner hot on my bike! Woohoo.

Start of the race wave # 8? I dont know, but we had some traffic.

I am digging the pony pig tails. Good call for the Du races and my helmet stays on better.



Smiling for the camera. Ok there are some more from the 10miler if i can figure out how to get them I will post them too. I have major suffer face on those. And yes TODAY I have a suffer face as I am REALLY sore. I have orders to rest till my legs are back so that is actually OK. I can swim and ride a bit. No worries.
Life is clipping along and we head to Mayo thursday for more pre-surgery education. This weekend we have lotsa mellow stuff planned, my parents are being honored at the Dodge Nature Center dinner/auction so we will go to that and clap loudly and proudly for my mom and dad, who btw can take down a tree with his chainsaw nearly as well as those Alaskan lumberjacks....


But my dad is 82... so haha he wins...

and is a total stud, here is is at the July 4th cabin party and he has a fun jestor's hat on:)


And of course saturday is Stalk Kona Day!!! and cheer on all the neat people enjoying their day in Kona. Oh and PRAY to the Volcano Gods that WE dont get snow. Yup. It's in the forecast.
Oh and plan a trip or 3 for this winter!