Finally the weekend is here. It's been a long week, one in which i seriously questioned whether i was depressed ( nah, not so...trust me, i know) whether i was not recovered from...??? life??? job...life, training...who knows...or whether my solar charges were just low. Ding ding ding.
I slept more this week than i have in a long time. I am not one to take naps or even to schedule a nap into my day. Usually I am pretty revved up and able to push thru, get to bed at a regular time and sleep well at night.
This past week, starting with sunday I have been EXHAUSTED. ( cue rain and snow and wind sounds) And temps in the 40's? Really? I am not saying i wasnt tired. I am sure i was, and i repeat to myself again that open road races ( even a 10k!) take alot out of me. I dont train that fast I have to admit, I dont often see the numbers running on any training day I have, and i have not been to the track yet so even tho I know i am capable of some fast times i think Jen is doing what i am paying her to do, saving me from myself. If i tried to hit race pace in all my training sessions ( running ) for the duration of the upcoming race I would be fried, and likely injured and unable to complete the actual race. Great, you win the training day but you cant race.
I struggle with taking unscheduled rest days, partly bc I want to push thru and bc i love love love those training days that make you believe you can push and you learn to suffer. I really believe that SOME of the ability to suffer in a race is learned. You learn to know what it will feel like and you can learn to take your mind and body apart ( disassociate) and the pain is present but its not your pain. It takes practice to be in pain but not feel that pain. I get this thru workouts like the one i missed yesterday. I get this from Time Trialing on the bike. But some of the ability to suffer is just within. I dont think there are deep roots to this. I am not saying "Gee i can suffer today at this race bc I have suffered all my life bc I didnt have as much money as so and so did, and i didnt get to go to camp like so and so did..." you get my point. I mean that deep trust in yourself and in your coach that you can indeed dig down and see what more is in there. I had this epiphany time trialing . A few years ago i just had started riding my bike. I and i wanted to get faster in the TT. I would always hold back a bit. And finally I realized that our ability to self regulate is pretty keen, and if i trusted my body over my mind I would find an equilibrium. And with most things i do I did my tried and true : WORST CASE SCERNARIO...
I BLOW UP.
you know what? I never did.
But i sure did suffer.
and I sure did figure out how to open and crawl inside that pain locker.
Exhibit A: SUFFERING!
Exhibit B: NOT SUFFERING!
So when i missed the wko thursday due to some lingering fatigue, a sore ITB, and needing to clean the kitchen since i was camped in here eating all the eggs, canadian bacon, oatmeal, fruit, yogurt, blahblahblah...I realized i needed to rest and refuel this week and yesterday MORE than i needed to get that trainer-track wko done.
Worst Case Scenario? I dont do it. I do a duathlon next weekend ( a tough one) without having done this wko. And had i done the wko? in the rain? pouring rain i mean.
Worst Case Scenario? I get more injured, more tired, I cant train well this weekend?
For me, this sort of thinking helps. I am learning to cut myself some slack, and to be able to say "If i am not 95% i cant do the really hard stuff." and trust me. I had NO pressure from Jen. She was the one saying" Yup. REST." I was the one saying.." ok maybe by 4pm I will be ready to do it." You know at 4pm I had worked a full day. It was raining and I seriously wanted a nap.
Friday dawned and i was a tiger in the pool today. Grr....it helped that the temps were down from the 85 degrees on WED ( where i think i nearly fainted walking up the steps) to 82. Still hot but do able for the 4k on the docket.
Weekend fun will be had as we are finally seeing the sun and talk of 70? I will believe it when i see it, but i realized that I have YET to ride in MN in shorts and a jersey. IT has been knee or full leg warmers, gloves and jackets. Just silly.
I will be spending some time with my mom this weekend so my dad can go to the cabin
Exhibit C: Not SUFFERING...tho they are up there for work weekend, and when my dad brings his chainsaw he will be working!
and I am excited to hang out with her, help her get up and down the stairs, bathe etc...and drive her where she wants to go. Funny, that i am looking forward to that maybe, but guess that's just me. Lets hope i can keep resting and that the sun and temps do their part to help jumpstart our summer.
Worst Case Scenario? Well, cant think of one right now:)
Have a good weekend!