Images of December

 Lots of snow, now lots of rain, and now less snow and more ice...hmmm...
 But here are a few images that have made me smile and be thankful for my life.
Happy Holidays to you all, I hope you have alot of gratitude and joy in your holiday season.

Happy December!

Happy December from MN! Its nearly 45 right now and part of me wishes I was on my bike. Part of me wishes I was in a winter wonderland and could go ski. I have alot of skis. Skate skis, Classic skis, downhill skis, short skis, long skis...and when I used to play tennis I would go from playing indoors and make a stop at como park to do a 5k ski loop. I loved it bc the tennis was indoors and all stuffy and dark, then getting outdoors to ski was like a bright part of my day. A bit cold but that is why i never got more than 2.5 k from the car!

It's so hard this time of year to tell what kind of winter we may have. Either way its looking like a condensed winter meaning you can sure pack alot into a wet /active Jan - March but after that you know that snow cant stay around TOO long. Or so you would think. And why all this talk about snow, and why am I blogging about it?

Do your best to follow this thinking, ok?

When Rich was sick he had alot of neuropathy esp in his hands and feet. So cold was not our friend. Couple that with my reynaud's and general freeze-baby status, made me pretty shy about doing much outside other than running. Yet I would go ride my bike outside in 20 degrees. So now i am thinking, why not ski? Why can i ride my bike outside but not ski?

Well. I am not that great of a skier so there maybe some ego issues there:) being sorta competitive eh?
But at the same time i love it and i know i am not going to ski "LIKE THAT." at least this year. The last year i really skied alot i realized i never waxed my skis. hmm, Maybe that would help, ya think?
Plus the chemical heaters are helpful and Its fun to think that maybe i can get out there and learn something new and different. My PT is loving the idea of the skate skiiing, which i liked the best, bc it really engages those mm we never use in SBR.

So as much as i said last post how paralyzed I am, I sorta feel like i am moving forward now. It is hard to explain how i had nearly 12 months to start to grieve what was coming. We never woke up every morning saying "lets think about death today," we chose to wake up and say "what can i do to LIVE LIFE, today?" So maybe those looking in, even Rich's close family, may have a longer road of acceptance. I maybe the lucky one, that every day esp in the last year of Rich's life i was able to live with him while also accepting what was happening. So in some sense I feel like I have had time to grieve and accept. It's not that i dont miss him and I will love him everyday, but I also know that he gave me alot that last year and I will carry that forward in my life everyday. As much as I did for him through the 3 years of his Cancer, he gave me alot in return. And I feel really empowered by that.

So how does this relate to winter? Well I am going to try to get out there and do some different stuff. Try to live a life free of cancer and a life full of possibility and health. With nothing lurking in the back of my head about an inevitable end to it all.

So to end this blog with a more shallow tone, ie not deep:) I am obsessed with this new show called Nashville. Its part smut, part romannce novel ( smut) and part fun clothing and fun music. I never thought i liked that kind of music, but i really enjoy it and found myself on a western ( is that country western? see i dont even know what to call it) radio station the other day. And best of all I love it bc Connie Britton went to Dartmouth and is just the nicest girl, She was in my sorority and was just solid. The girl you want to be your friend. She and Hayden Pattieniere ( sp?) crack me up. check it out, you will be out buying cowboy boots and fun jeans after you watch it!

Life Paralysis

Life these days for me, at least, can either put me under a tree afraid to make a move, or some days I feel like i have so much ahead of me, and so much to look forward to i dont know where to start!
Hence this leads to some paralysis.

I have to admit that often what makes me hide under this tree ( or want to go to bed at 8pm when its dark, oh make that 5pm) is when I start worring about money. Now granted when i was single and lived alone in my modest condo I was fine. I was all about knowing I had more coming in than going out. Insert a sudden "Tsunami" in your life, for lack of a better term other than "death of spouse" and its a bit overwhelming. All the sudden there is ALOT to manage. I know i am capable of it, and i have no doubt that I can and will be fine and will figure it out, but its a bit like you are in quick sand because you dont know how long you can stay afloat. Or if you turn your head the wrong direction you may slip under bc the rope someone hands you is behind you and you are looking the other way.

No need to get into details but this has obviously made me a bit skitish about committing to races or anything really besides my day to day living. I even realized I hadnt been to the grocery store in a week. Which meant i had no spinach and no broccoli, staples i love. Then again I had kale. Never far from green veggies at my house and luckily my Jewish mother is always got food to share and feeds me well if I stop over. Its hard to cook for 1. Rich was a big eater so i have had to adapt a bit. My sister doesnt eat MEAT, so i have to make sure i cook some real MEAT as JH calls it! I did get my slow cooker out and have a pork tenderloin ready to be cooked. Since its all the sudden FREEZING COLD OUT I am fine with the slow cooker, it makes no sense to me to use it when i can grill.

So as far as races go.. hmm. Triathlon. Lets do a What i know list:

I know today that i am not signing up for an IM until after 1/1/13
I know today that I am signing up for AG natz, bc lucky me only raced 2x last year ( USAT races) and one was IM MOO and i was top 10% so lucky gal I am.
I know today that I am doing BSLT 70.3. Hats off to Marti Greer for letting me in after having to drop out last year due to Rich and to my hammy issue.
I know today that I may do Vegas if i qualify.
I know today that I may do Cozumel, if its open when i decide.
I know today that I am actually ok and maybe actually smart to skip IM this year and sign up for IMLP 2014, eh all you IMLP die hards, tell me its as good as i hear:)

Ok I had about 3 mintues to post this but i wanted to just check in.
Thanks for reading:)

PS Oh i won a 5k with Marit, that should have a race report but its sorta boring. Lots of heavy breathing (ME), Spitting ( Marit) and I waited 6 seconds to be precise to cross the line with her. We both won a pie. And my sister won a pie for 3rd woman, so on the pie front we dominated.

Winter

Well we had snow today, enough that i drove all the way to st paul to swim and turned around because traffic was so bad and the ice was so bad that there were cars everywhere. Knowing that lovely Jen isnt in my life right now as my slave driver, just as my friend, I took it to mean I had work to do at home and turned around. 

Here is photographic evidence that I won that race. Number 2 is behind me. Ok now i dont feel like a poser. And YES it was halloween and i have pumpkins on my cheeks and I was dressed up as...

hmm..

A snake. 

Not really. 

Other happenings besides a tornado and 64 degrees saturday night, turning to snow and sleet sunday and snow today. Well life is still a blur. I dont think you can imagine it and I wouldnt wish that any of you can imagine it. Just be thankful. I have had more people tell me, those women that have stood in my shoes, that the first year is a blur. It's like you have Alzheimers. Since i work with older adults with dementia and Alzheimers i will fit right in. But if you have contacted me about getting together or meeting up and I havent replied its because I forgot. No I didnt its just that I can only process so much and to be honest its just too hard sometimes to talk about this. That is maybe why i am finding solo workouts so lovely.

At the same time I hate being alone, so go figure I would say that i feel more like i am bi-polar than having dementia. See even this post is sounding a bit "OFF." And I know that:)

Being back at work has been lovely, and I know its what i need to do to get thru each day. There are some unsettled things that arent blog worthy but lets just say when THAT Is behind me I will feel a bit more at ease and normal.

We celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary last week, and I had a party. IT was tons of fun. And Rich was there. I know it. I still am in shock and miss him everyday or every minute. But as one of my 83 yo residents told me today, "You will never forget him and you willnever be the same, it's just different from now on..."Sort of like a new normal as i call it. This was after i walked into my class and said
"Vacation is OVER, back to work." and then burst into tears. I teach alot of widows. As you can guess the majority of the seniors that are still living are women. So they get it.

And back on topic to winter. I got my cross bike out. Not ready to ride it but its going to get ready bc I suspect we arent done with this snow stuff:) But lots of fun things to look forward to I know.
Thanks for reading.

An Unofficial 5k Win ( but at this point in my life i will take anything that feels good, official or not)

Hey so my sister got me to sign up for a 5k. Right after Rich passsed away she said "You need to do this 5k with me and my rowing friends." It was a Monster Dash so i knew i would pay too much for the race but about a month ago i was all up for planning anything that didnt involve a funeral home or lawyers. Sure. I am in.

Well a day or so before the race I see it starts at 11 am. Huh? who does a race at 11 am? I was torn bc i wanted to do the 10 miler which is a net downhill course yet truth be told ( dont be surprised) I have not been resting well nor have i been training well. I have been riding my bike an insane amount just to see Rich's friends and because it feels good and i dont really care if i am not running much or swimming 1500 yards and thinking that is an IM distance in my head. So...10 miles would be dumb. Like why waste that hamstring energy on that now?

My sister sadly got sick. She travels to India in a few days and she was smart to skip the cold weather run and the general standing around with 2500 people. Many of whom had dogs in costumes that even I would not want to wear for 1 mile, much less 3.1 miles with some hills. Granted It was around Lake Harriet but we actually got the roads which was nice, but meant a few punchy hills as opposed to the flat And boring path.

Race dayI emailed Jen that I Was going to skip it. She told me to go have fun. Hmm. Novel Idea.
so i went over there around 10, and really the bonus of an 11 am start is i had NO. EXCUSE. to have not done my PT work AND my dynamic warmups. I was ready, my hamstring has had some FIRING issues, that is about all i can say that wont change the tone of this post, but when i was warming up it was ok with the strides, etc..I did see two other girl who looked 1) about 20 years my junior and 2) Like they had alot more power than i did as they did their pick ups. I was like "whatever."

Air Horn goes off and tho i did have my Garmin i didnt look at it once. I just ran. Turns out my splits were perfect with even a negative split at the end. Mile 1 one of the above girls passes me at the mile 1 marker and then sits right in front of me and slows down. Hmm. SO i sat in for about 30 seconds then i passed her up a hill and never looked back. Some dude with an impressive jacket on ( National this and that championships) was also there but he must have been a spectator at those events. At the same time as the girl stopped in front of me, another girl BUSTED past us and i couldnt even see her that 2nd mile...until we started to come around the lake and were about 800 yards from the finish i did see her coming back to me. Hmm. Whatever. I just kept running. They were giving out candy at mile 2.5 and i thought "IF i stop i wont catch her, sorry Rich we have to keep on moving." Then i passed her about 200 Yards from the finish, she was BREATHIng WAY hard and we had to go up another hill and i knew that she was likely about 18 yo ( ok she was 25) and she may actually be able to sprint so i went up that hill and never stopped until after the finish. I really had no idea where we were and until i heard someone yell "Second woman" to her, didi know that I had actually won.

Of course this is an non chip event ( lame, why? we pay the same as the longer runners) but that is not worth lamenting. I barely saw the clock and was so gasping that i couldnt hit my Garmin till I had actually stopped. I do know a few things:

1) The Girl I passed was SO. EXCITED, to have gotten 2nd. She could not have been happier for herself or for me. When is the last time you got outsprinted in an Tri and felt that way about your competitiors? Just sayin....Ya she was not in my AG but i do think that runners seem genuinely a lot less CADDY about their placements than Triathletes. Sorry if you dont agree.

2) I would love to break 20. I did when i was a child. I think my PR is 19:15 on a flat course. If said "firing issues" were to cease i think that is a fun goal to look at. And I am darn pleased with this since my IM legs were actualy able to run and my IM engine allowed me to pass that girl just because she was there. No other reason than that.

3) I stood around, knew nobody, went home all happy knowing that not one of you can now look this up online since its not official but actually not really caring. Of course i did post it on FB and I am blogging about it so maybe i actually do care that you all know.

4) I ran with Rich. He was there with me the entire way. And while he isnt the fastest runner he sure knew how to get my head in the right place before a race. I am not doing any long distance ( well no IM) next year in 2013 unless i get lucky, but I am super excited to get some speed back. He also had some sweet kicks that he wore for surgery at the offices:

He is color blind which cracks me up that he liked these shoes and that surgery cap.

Here is Rich saying  : WE WON!!!!

YES WE DID WIN HONEY!!! 

One of the things that makes me happiest and makes me able to get thru each day is remembering Rich. So I guess you can expect my blogs to reflect that. Hope you on the East Coast are safe. 

Rich Weisbecker Memorial Ride Parts 1 and 2

Well this will be as close to a race report as you will get for me for awhile. We started out planning for a century. Each year since ...gee at least early 2000's Rich has organized a century ride ( plus!) for his friends. I have found some of the folders he kept for the FALL CENTURY CHALLENGE, with the original route and with the original screen for the bike jerseys they made. See Rich was into riding WAY before we met and married. I would like to repeat the route he did on the inaugural ride when I am better organized in 2013.

Each year the rides have been different, depending on the cast of characters and the weather. With me being in the picture for the  last 4-5 years I of course had to have a "short cut" depending on how trashed i was from some race or what i had upcoming. I think one year I had the Irongirl Du so doing 100 miles the weekend before was surely contraindicated and Rich put up wth my " I need to stop at 60" whining, and of course some other ( men) were happy to stop too!

But this year, unlike other years, we had no crashes, no broken anythings no body off the back and lost and no toes or fingers lost to frostbite. WE had hoped to do 100 saturday but the forecast was not good, and as it turns out we did the right thing, aiming for 70 on friday AM and 30 on saturday to make it a 2 day century. Well mother nature didnt rain on us on friday but met us with 27 deg temps in the city and as we rode out of the city it just dropped.

7 Hearty riders gathered well before the sun was out ( I dont have a light other than on my helmet so trust me i was going nowhere till i could see) i rode from my house and nearly bit it in the gravel getting down to the coffee shop. We set out just before 8 with a 70 miler in mind, and about 20 miles in the talk stopped and the pace picked up and it was clear we were NOT going to make it the full 70. Truth be told I knew this and made myself the " weak one " when i said " ok i am going back, you can join me or you can go on..." and nobody said a word. They all followed suit. As we got back into town it was warmer but not by much and once you lose feeling in your toes the game is sorta over till they warm up, painfully at that. So I got in about 45 miles, which in the winter i would ride but no more, and since it was winter temps i was pretty happy with that. My road bike does NOT fit me well. Its too big and when i ride "LIKE THAT" meaning HARD and pull alot it hurts my left biceps/tendon bc i have to pull too much ...sorry no PT description though you know i am dying to tell you...

We had so much fun warming up to good talk and fun memories that i was just giddy to do it all again the next day with even more people.

Cut to saturday, an hour later and 20degrees warmer we set out to ride 20-25 EASYmiles. Rich's brother and sister in law came on their touring bikes and i did NOT Want to blow them out of the parking lot so we rode pretty simply and then when they decided to go back early it was a pretty decent pace. AT one sprint sign i went for it expecting someone to come from behind, and they didnt, but itw as like a wind up toy that let go after that. I eventually got dropped off the back as did 4 of us bc there was something in the road that one of the front riders hit ( some sort of plastic lawnmower piece) and it flew up and i thought for sure that there was going to be screeching carbon in 1-2-3 seconds. But turns out they didnt even know they did it and we all swerved and slowed, and the train pulled away.

Totally Fine. But shows me that my road riding skills are a bit rusty. And that my ITband hates my road bike. BUT most importantly that I lOVE THESE people and I am so lucky to have them and their families in my life.

Here are some fun pictures of the First Light Team. And btw, the name FIRST LIGHT. Isnt based on a Christian Cycling Team tho they are all Christian.. I did ask Mike Madden who was one of the original members with Rich and he said " well one day at 5 am we were riding and we decided we needed to name ourselves. IT was dark and the sun was coming up and Rich said "how about First Light?" To which mike said "sure sounds good." ! too funny, no discussions. First Light it is!
And that is bc they ride in the dark before the sun comes up...and yes they have lights that are stronger than headlights of a car. I am going to ride with them this spring when i get Rich's light set up but for now I am happy to ride in the daylight, thank you very much!

The Saturday group, we were too  cold to take pics friday! 

THE MOOTS!!! Mike goes up hill like he is floating, so to see him on Rich's bike is so fun!

Elliot and his dad, Chuck

Team line up...Mike, Bill  ( brothers) Tony ( who's dad owns the coffee shop) Elliot and Chuck, ( son and father)

The better halves of some of those riders

So how's it going?

It's going. Sorta just trying to get thru the day's still not sure where to start.
I have been trying to get out to swim bike or run a bit. We are doing a memorial ride for Rich this coming weekend. Every year he did a Fall Century Challenge. Usually it was either 70 miles or about 110. So depends on the weather if we go 70 or 110! As I have said, any day on the bike is a good day, so what is the fuss about rolling into the finish EXACTLY at 100? I mean why worry about a missed turn or a gravel road that didnt show up on the map my ride ? :) Rich is chuckling.

It doesnt matter the distance, but i have been riding a bit more on my road bike to get my Sassy A$$ ready for that distance since my Tri bike is a bit more forgiving. Thinks Fizik Arione versus ISM saddles. Now you get it.

Not sure what next year's Tri/sporting life will bring. For now I am just winging it, and liking the freedom. FEeling like i am running with a bit more speed which is fun, despite being cold at the start of the runs. I do miss the heat.

I leave you with a great picture, it may make you weep, and for that i am sorry. But i love it. It makes me smile when not much else does.

My Honey

Richard William Weisbecker

August 29, 1954 - September 25, 2012

My soulmate, my friend, my lover, the one that GETS me, and the marriage we decided would have no rules. I will love you forever dear Rich and I know you will be with me forever. Sometime I will write more, I just want to tell the world that I love Rich and I always will. We never knew a life without Cancer, from before we were married we knew it was there. But we never lived like we had anything but health in our lives. For that I am grateful. I lost a husband but i gained a very lovely new family. It will never be the same without Rich but I am so very thankful I had the time with him that I did.

Sharing just some of the best 3 years of my life.

Well actually more than 3 years. It will be 3 years on November 7, 2012, But Rich and I have dated and been together for over 5 years. We didnt get married as soon as possible, and it was good for us to wait, he had somethings he was working on in himself to make him a better person, and in hindsight we grew so much closer in those years before we were married. We didnt live together, we kept our own "stuff" and so when we got married it was the most wonderful time, to really now, then, be husband and wife. OF course it took me nearly 2 years to sell my condo so in hindsight we should have gotten a jump on that :) 

As some of you know our lives have never been without cancer. He was diagnosed 6 weeks before our wedding. He was at Mayo for longer than we had thought and we postponed our wedding, to be sure he was strong enough. We didnt send out invites, we just got the word out. We ran out of food at teh reception, either people were that hungry or morepeople came than we thought. It was perfect none the less. 

Here are just some fun pictures that make me smile: 

One of my very first triathlon's. Rich drove me alot further than i expected one dark morning. 

This is in Georgetown at my cousins wedding, Rich had just proposed.

It was my parents 51st anniversary, we ended up gettting married on their anniversary and will always share that day with them.

Cupcakes at our reception

I just like this one, i dont know where its from

Tuesday Night TT's with the botttle openers we won!

Mexico, winter of 2010 with  my parents I just remember it rained alot! I know! Mexico? 

Rich brought me to Arizona only a few months after we had met. I was suspcious of anything that didnt have an ocean. I am forever grateful bc Tucson has to be one of my all time favorite places. And to ride there, is Heaven. I will ride there again. I owe it to Rich, because he will be with me. 

Summer/July 2010 we did the Triple Bypass.

Dang, that was fun. All on a 23, i am now a sissy who rides a 27.

Honeymoon, sorry out of order. Rich had a colostomy, he had that for about 9 mos before they reversed it. He did more stuff with a "bag" than some of us do when we are 100%.

As you can sense we are in a tough place here. We have started hospice care and we are praying that we can keep him comfortable and help him on this journey. I think today as i write this its the first time i have written in my head, without losing more salts than i did in a race. Lots of tears. He is so strong and the Grace with which he has weathered more scars and more surgeries and more chemo's than you can imagine strengthens me to know that I owe it to him to stay brave and stay strong.

This is from New Hampshire. It pains me to say this but Rich isnt free now. He deserves better.
He will get that sometime, and his journey there will rewardhim. IF you arent a believer in God, then just move along, but for us it's been amazing to know he has better times ahead.


This picture is labor day 2012. Walking was getting harder and he was tired alot. Today he still smiles like this. That spirit will always be with me, even if physically he isnt with me.

Ok now i am crying again.
Thanks for all the love, you guys mean more to me than i can write. You have helped so much.
Keep at it, I know its going to be tough for me. you dont wait 40 + years to find your soulmate then lose him and move on.

Ironman Wisconsin Race Report: 26.2 Friends

Before I get to any race report I have to give myself a huge fashion high five ( HFHF) for putting together a functional yet cool outfit in a chilly morning race. Thanks to Angela for the socks. Everyone now run to Target and get a pair of your own. Ok on to the race.

It's no surprise this Ironman was a bit different than last year. For obvious reasons i struggled this year. The physical struggle of basically dropping out of racing in early june to rest and fix a hamstring tendonopathy was a huge decision, the right one, but very tough for me. I wish i could have St. Croix 70.3 back ( without the rain but with lance!) and with a healthy body. So putting all my eggs in one basket was tough. The IM basket. I was right on pace with riding and swimming all summer. Running took another hit ( literally) when after Firehouse 50 i played Humpty Dumpty and fell over at the finish. 

Oh i needed to clip out? I had booties on so i couldnt get out of my shoes likei normally do in a tri. wopsy. That led to reactive tendonitis in my hip and i ran both my long runs ( yes , just 2) with excruciating pain off my greater trochanter ( your hip bone). Eventually we did an xray, no need to break a hip. It was clear ( THANKGOD) but the inflammation in that area was not going away with massage/celebrex/ice. We decided 10 days out to inject it. There are too many turn arounds at Wisconsin and one of the things that really hurt was turning left on my left leg to turn around 180 deg. Like every 2 miles you do that in Madison.

I got 2 lidocaine shots and 2 coritsone shots to the deep hip rotators ( those are deeep!) ouch. I was in alot of pain labor day weekend and just kept faith it was the insult of the shots. It was. I was fine a few days later, but that was close. i had not a hint of hip pain race day. Cortisone isnt for everyday use but it sure does work if the biomechanics are right and you arent re-irritating it daily. I HOPED that it would work since it was the fall on my hip that started it. Ok. So you see that i had a great MD: Patient relationship this year. I am so lucky my MD is here for me. I love her:) too much maybe!

Obviously come August we also knew that Rich was getting worse. He was in a lot of pain and stopped working pretty abruptly. I tried many times to "get out of IM," but he wouldnt let me and i really wanted to see it thru. His riding buddies took up the slack and helped me do some of the longer rides. I got stronger riding alone ( mentally) bc I had to. I never run with anyone so that wasnt a big deal. I cried the first ride ( long ride) i did withuot Rich. Because i knew I would not ride with him again. I had a very hard time taking the emotion out of the bike because it is what he loves and it is what we have loved doing together. 

So here is my race report: 

Swim: I was crying before I even got in the water. Not the best to be feeling vulnerable before you get into the lake with a bunch of aggressive males. I realized it was possibly my last race with Rich there. I put on my "I am going to kick your A$$" hat and climbed in with all the green caps.

 Best IM swim ever. I didnt get touched. I now know where to start, and i swam faster so it all worked out. I had perfect control of the water and my male green capped bashers were under my spell. Nobody touched me but i still got a good draft. The back side was tough, some chop, which is fine. I like the one loop, way better. 

T1: Helix run is always crazy with fans. Fun to see everyone! I got into the Terrace and got my fashion on and off i went. 

Bike: Or the lows. My Joule read 350 Watts heading out onto teh course. Yah not quite. So why all the sudden i was riding like Jens Voight i dontknow. That was worthless for 112 miles and made my ride a bit tough, i know how to ride by feel but with wind and hills ireally was planinng on Power. No use crying over it but i was bummed.

Aunt Flow showed up so i knew i had to stop and use a real porta potty, Plus i didnt want to ruin my new Soas shorts. That plus the headwind plus some pouty low moments made my ride drag on FOR-EVER. I still think riding 112 miles is TOO. FAR!!! I got in all my nutrition, peed twice, did what i was told and tried to now pout too much.

To be honest every girl that passed me, whether i knew them or not, offered encouragement. And for the most part i acted like Kristin Wiig in BridesMaids..."blahblahblah Helen, arent you great..." and some snotty look. In my defense we watched Bridesmaids sunday after the race and I realized my attitude was a bit like her's. Not the entire ride but surely some of it.

I did feel like my heart hurts every minute of everyday so i just at times didnt want to hurt. There I said it.

T2: I didnt have any interest in running but i talked myself off the bike and decided to just go to T2. Really I was ready to just hang out. I figured i could just run a few miles then decide. Kristin Wiig was still around in T2, getting pissed at Helen for passing her on the bike. 

Run: But wouldnt you know it? i felt great, I had legs I ran fast ( oops) to begin with. And then i started to have fun. I decided on the bike that IF I WAS GOING TO RUN I was going to do it under my terms. After about mile 8 i never looked at my Garmin. I also decided that EACH mile was going to be dedicated to one of you, or my family, or someone that had helped me get to the start. You all know who you are, those of you that wrote the lovely notes/cards/essays to me and Rich, my thank you to you, was to run a mile for YOU! Now I do admit that I may have doubled up once or twice on the Rachel Ross /Beth Walsh/Charisa Wernick miles when i needed some speed and I also admit after about mile 13 I may or may not have run a 1/2 mile or 2 miles for you because mid mile I would forget who that current mile was for. I didnt exclude you if you were a slower runner bc determination and courage also got points as much as your pace per mile. I even ran a mile for our Oncologist, even tho she has not been successful in treating /curing my husband's cancer. She has a thankless job and she deserved a mile.  

Honestly that is what i was thinking along the run. My ITBand got pissed off, it still is but it wasnt until mile 20 that it really hurt. I never had any energy lows, i ran all the hills, I didnt stop nor did i even think about stopping. I think i could have gone faster, but with my ITB wanting in on the party I decided it wasnt worth it. I ran thru that finish and didnt lie down in the grass and get sick. I was ok. Woozy, but OK. There was the regular post race Gel tummy, with many bathroom stops but ididnt feel nauseated or sick. I took in alot of water on the course, and i think my body was just getting things out.

My sister took this of me in my chocolate milk mylar blanket...super cozy!

 Post IM: "Yes I really feel like stopping for a photo. not." And turn off that light.

The Aftermath:
I was wicked sore. I still am. Mostly quads. MY wrist got beat up too, garmin impact from the bike and i cant say for sure what it is but i think i must have had the death grip on my bike at times wth the wind. For me, that was a windy ride. I need some implants to weigh down my front end if its going to be windy.

Rich, my super sister, and I headed home monday. No awards, no rolldown. I was tempted but its back to my reality now. Sunday was my day off, Its been tough, no lies that things are not going well here and since i could barely walk monday and tuesday it was rough. I wasnt a very good wife to Rich but i tried:)

I am proud i finished. I didnt have the joy i did last year out there. I have waited all year to get ths done. But i am so lucky to have so many friends out there and family that supported me, and mostly Rich, who never once made me feel bad or selfish for finishing off this goal. I stopped on the run to give him a hug and kiss, it was worth every second lost.

So what is next? Cupcakes, some wine and some rest.

A whole lotsa goings-on....

Seems like a good time to write a quick blog. Believe it or not i have family that reads this and they dont really care too much about triathlon. If were playing pool they would be equally interested. Maybe. Cant say for sure.

I have been spending some fun and quality time with the love of my life. See exhibit below. No comments on the BIG HAIR, but really if you are a new reader, we pulled this wedding off in about 2 weeks bc of Rich's surgery at  Mayo. We cancelled it once, and didnt even send out invites. I had nobody to do my hair, but someone was free and this is what she did. Never say never, it worked for that day:) And all my southern friends loved it! 

Rich is off the chemo for now, or forever, we dont know. Our Oncologist gave us the words you dont want to hear, "we have nothing else for you." And asked us if we needed a few minutes. WE are like "UM, No." but really? I can see how a family who does not have the knowledge or the strength ( due to shock, illness, finances) would be like REALLY ? We are out on the street? After one CT scan?
So we move forward. We dont know what that means because we decided to take the weekend off, and then do some calling monday. Down to Mayo to start. I am also looking into Clinical Trials thru the National Cancer Inst. But its up to him. I want him to first decide what he wants to do. That chemo can be nasty, as we saw with the last rounds, so even tho i say "Its your life," of course i want him around as long as possible. He has a very strong faith, and i know we both know its in God's hands, and that the prognosis, is just that. a guess, a number, a timeline. And IT will be what it will be. But perhaps it may explain a few things that have been going on with me.

Because my blog is about my loves, and onc of those is triathlon, Ahh....you were patient and we got here.
See below: Yup, love it. All that sugar and gel made me so sick saturday after my Long ride/Brick that i had diarhhea all night and couldnt even eat dinner. I havebeen working diligently with someone on this and he got an earful. Perhaps it was the salt, perhaps what i ate the night prior, perhaps the 16+ gels ( well I use Liquid shot) but that is going to change. I cant live on that much simple sugar.
Today was a bit better, but the reason this ties to Rich is he has terrible GI issues from the chemo. And that is letting up a bit since he is off it for 2 weeks now, but gee, I took my first immodium last night. They work:)
That could end up in my race day plans.

Which brings us to the pic from race day last year. The love of my life and my best friend, my sister. She may not know she is my best friend, but she is:) And so this year. Things are going to go better for me post race. See above, and race day nutrition. Last night was a stark reminder of 2011. So taht is not goign to happen again. I ran my long run today and i undergeled and used powerbar chews and coke, much better. I need to get some honey stingers, those are my favorite and i know my coach uses them. 

So, Ive covered the important stuff.
But i didnt cover the bike race last week in Cable, Wi. I did awesome. Rode 50.6 miles in 2:20 and got 4th OA and 1st AG. Then i fell over. Seriously. I think i forgot to clip out. You know there was no T2 to be thinking about just a finish line and while i was so FOCUSED the entire race I was most focused on not gettting caught by my friend Kyle and by Rich and his pal Scott who started right behind me. I finished, the people i knew at the finish CHEERED LOUD, and i sat up and fell over aftertalking to them. So i was banned from this bonehead stuff and told to wear bubble wrap. ( I did scuff up a bit and fell on my hip, which has led to too many MD visits and even an XRAY) so really people, falling over is not good, and I am too young to break a hip, luckily.
Just when you thought it was safe and i was with it, I yardsaled on my run today. I put on tougher ( read heavier and more traditional) shoes bc my Cortana's seemed to be light and lovely but my calves the next day were pissed off. So lets save those for race day i said, and put on the ones that make me feel like i have neuropathy in my feet. I hit a patch of rocks going onto the trail and SUPERMAN my way into the gravel. The same elbow as last weekend is bleeding like crazy. I stand up, assess what's going on and realize its just blood. Use my precious handheld water and clean that sucker off and keep running.
I think i will live but i hope i dont flip turn into the wall tmmrw. I Can blame today's on those shoes, seriously. and of course fatigue. Not much sleep lately, and also just "its the last week of IM training, things hurt!"
So there ya have it. Stories from the bonehead herself who is now certain that Race day is goign to be easier than all this.

Is it really August?

Hi there, long time no talk from me. I hope you all are having a great summer. I cannot believe it's August! Life around here is, well, eventful. I havent been posting bc sometimes there isnt much to say:)

Lets see if i can do this bullet style! Less thinking.

I left off with Saddle Sores. I dont really have SS, its more a hot spot, I got a shim under my R cleat and i think i am good, still gets sore but its nothing awful. Some shorts are great. SADLY, the SOAS shorts are not good. I think my legs are too long. I think they should make some shorts for longer legs, bc they just cut me funny. Boo. I may have to sell them, anyone? worn once or twice.

Rich is still doing chemo. Yup. He isnt doing so well on this latest one. Its really hard to see him sick from chemo. We keep faith that its going to extend his life, and he keeps a good attitude most days, other than when he is up all night. Yuk. Poor guy. He has lost more weight which is bothersome but we joke that he can now climb as well as he descends. He rides his bike bc it makes him happy, some people may think he shouldnt but then they should mind their own business.

I dont sleep all that well. See above. This may or may not have contributed to my weekend fun at the Emergency Room with a killer sore throat. And dont tell me about sore throats ever again. This one beat the nerve pain i had with shingles and since i am married to a doctor, trust me, we take visiting the ER VERY SERIOUSLY. You dont do it unless you are going to jump or havent slept in 3 days and found yourself making howling noises all night long bc you could. NOT. STAND. the pain any longer.

Some how i managed to swallow enough liquids to keep my weight and strength up, and we still dont know what it was. Viral or Bacterial who knows, but i am glad that is behind us. 4 days of bed rest and lots of drugs dont do your body any favors tho. Why i expected my return to movement to be easy...
well wouldnt you? you basically rested for 4 days, wouldnt it seem like your body would be refreshed?
Not quite. Lets just say I have found another roadblock that i am determined to get over before race day! Hello Shin's and ITB and all those soft tissues that loved lying around for 4 days.

Despite thinking i should be all up in arms about IM I am sorta in the "well, it will happen, and I am going to show up with the best plan i can have." Before my lovely TIME OUT, I had the best bike test i have had ever. Can you say that riding a 13 mile TT and improving your LT Watts by 30 is a fluke ? I hope not, and i think not. And I swam a great open water race as well. So the fitness is there. I have to remember all the stuff i HAVE done, not what i havent done or missed. I do sometimes wonder if the mind and body really ever get along 100% in IM training. For some maybe. but for me it seems like they dont.  I also know i am cursed blessed with knowing too much about the body. That makes turning the head off very hard.

Here are some fun pics from a 6 hour ride that Rich and I did in June at Lake Pepin. It was a tough day, and he did great. We have figured out how to ride together and i just love riding with my favorite partner:)


Its too soon to be thinking about next year, but i did promise my body 6 weeks off from running if it helps me run this marathon:) Or more if it wants it!

We head up to Firehouse 50 this weekend. A great weekend with some fun and tough biking and a little Firehouse 100 for me ( if you get my drift) and then a LONG run sunday with a 15k race in the middle of that. So i get company for 15k of my long run, Yes! And hopefully water stops. You never know in northern Wi what the course will have!

So that is about it. Summer is flying, we are loving the Olympics other than still wishing one of those swimmers would pick up Andrea Joyce and throw her into the warm down pool. of course NBC would not show it.

Cycling...Saddle Sore(s)

So, I've got one. 
Ive never had one before and I hope this goes away fast. 
Things I have done: 
Shorts off fast
Saddle is fine, its an ISM I have changed nothing.
I am using a topical NSAID, but it still hurts.
I dontwant to stop riding!
I also tried Tea Tree Oil. I know that was what worked on my my shingles blisters.


Anyone got anything good to share with me?


Many thanks!!!


Ps Running going well!

Hey...

That is about all I have to say. "Hey."

I was riding today and while i was losing interest  staying focused on a long cool down, I realized I have very little positive to say on my blog right now. That isnt to say I am all doom and gloom. But for now I just dont have the energy or desire to write about cancer or comeback from injury. I dont totally agree when people say "blog goes blank = injury" bc I am actually doing quite well. I just dont have the interest or the energy to spend right now and most of you that are my friends email me and you know what is going on. If you arent, dont be offended. I will come back sometime. Maybe sooner than I think.
The hamstring is pretty good. My Glutes ( specifically my glute med) is getting a torturous workout and i am running. Not fast. Not alot. I am still 3 weeks out, usually its 6 weeks before the leash is off. I am riding normally and swimming well. That is about all I have to say, other than as you know, a return from injury means other stuff barks too. Rich is ok. Not great. Not awful. He starts a new round of chemo tmmrw and honestly we hope he feels as good as he has with the last drugs. He sure felt worse this last month than ever, which in and of itself is worrisome.

I decided my life and my love of being active ( and kicking tail) cant be dictated by an M dot race. So come Wisconsin I may not have my full physical fitness but the mental fitness starts now. Bring it on race day, its what is going on upstairs as much as what is going on in the hamstrings.

That's it from the OK Coral.

Things I Know Today

It's Father's Day which is weird for me and Rich. He is a great father. But he is not the father of my children nor is he my father. My dad is out of town and since his birthday is always the weekend before father's day he has always said "dont give your money to Hallmark." Love it.

Despite not running or riding with any intensity I havent gained any weight. Hate me if you want.

Just to follow that last " Thing I know" I have been eating. And I dont find anything wrong with good grains and bread. Or maybe some Blue Bunny Carrot Cake ice milk, if you must know. I sorta hoped it would be like the Birthday Cake ice cream that sounds so good, but is repulsive but the CC ice milk is actually really good.

I am sorry Cheryl, I havent been to DQ.

When i got a stomach virus last weekend the last thing i had eaten was a VEGA Shake and Go Smoothie. That stuff is too spendy to throw out but the thought of it makes me want to hurl. I will give it another week or two.

My sister's cat YETI is albino and deaf. He is adoreable and has all sorts of Stevie Wonder head bobs, but he always makes my hands and wrists itch and my eyes water. Allergic? i think so.

I ran for a very short time today. I was fine. I feel like i could have run more, so that means i stopped when i should have. My IM is a ways off. I have time and i know i will be ready. AT the same time I am thinking about 2013, and that makes me excited.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY miss Time Trialing. I hope i can do that soon.

My bike shoes STINK like ...I cant even tell you what they stink like bc I have never smelled something so awful. They smelled like this riding thru the rivers in St. Croix and now after getting all wet riding yesterday ( great forecast Weather.com...NOT) I am not sure if i should just get a new pair or just stop smelling them.

Lance deserves better that this. Ijust cant help but wonder WHO is behind this and why all the sudden the witchhunt is back on. I cant help but suspect that somehow if he were not in top contention for WTC Races and The IM World Championships that this accusation wouldnt have surfaced ever? Why now?

I have the BEST team of people taking care of me. Medical Doctors, Dr of Chiropractic, Massage Therapist, Acupuncturist...I wish you all could see them, as long as you dont make it too hard for me to get in. I cant tell you how nice it is trust that you are doing what you can to get better.  I just need to not get in the way of my own progress. Sounds familiar?

Rest is important. When i ran today I felt light on my feet, I did not feel as bad as i thought i would. Taking 2 weeks off running wont kill you.

Jen is not only a great coach she is a great friend. I am lucky to have her in my life.

Speaking of friends I am sorrounded with girfriends that have stepped out of the shadows to support me not only in triathlon but life in general. For that I am so thankful.

Rich is in a tough place, not yet in the study we had hoped he would be in he has not had chemo for 5 weeks. We are praying he gets into the study, but alot of this is out of our hands due to some bloodwork "issues." Please keep him and us in your prayers. Its hard to think he wont be riding some of my epic rides with me, but i think its best he save his energy. That makes me very sad.

My family is again amazing. I am thankful everyday for my parents and amazed at them at the ages of 85 ( dad) and nearly 83 ( mom) they are truly incredible and i sure hope my gene's hold up and i can be like them in another 40 years.

Like i said, next year. Who wants to go to Tahoe? I had my hopes on Texas, but that seems to be sitting by the sidelines. Damie?

Then again I really would love to kick the Half distance. With this injury I have been thinking how nice it would be to get the 70.3 distance under my spell. Lots to decide, and not sure the KQ slot is really all that anyways.

Have a nice Father's Day!

A New Week!

So thanks for all the support and Yes I CAN do this! I think it was Steve that said "Wow you take race week seriously." And ya you know its because I love to train dont get me wrong, its the daily stuff I love, but the race is the reward. It's like the bonus on your paycheck ( not that i get those) or the frosting on the cake, cream cheese frosting of course. I lose my mojo if I am just training and so it stings to miss the party. I have to say you cant go looking at results thinking " I would have gotten 1st or 5th," bc race day is a gamble, weather, etc. and I Also figure that just as I may be struggling to fix some body part that isnt 100% you gotta bet there are alot of others that are fighting to be there too. Especially as we are into our 40's. You 20-30's may not get that, Yet.

I was cleared to do some riding this week with a Watt cap. Just fine. Funny thing is that after i rode 6 miles sunday ( yes I said 6, not 60) at a really slow pace knowing darn well into a wind and on hills that keeping that Watt cap would not work 100% of the time. I got sick. Like so sick i couldnt eat till today at 10 am. Last thing i ate, sadly before i had overwelming nausea, was a Vega Shake and Go Berry shake. I used to like those but for whatever reason that shake was all I tasted till this morning. CY, it's yours. Crap I dont think i can look at that for a bit.

Im not sure what was up. I finally took one of Rich's anti nausea pills and made it thru the night, sipping on sprite. It was too close to home tho bc the night of IM wisconsin i had the same thing. Nausea, sweats, all I could drink was sprite. Yuk. I do know that yesterday I did NOT take too much salt in, so who knows. I do. I am exhausted.

Rich does not Sleep. Well he does, in fits and starts, so that means alot of interuppted sleep for me. I feel awful saying this but I sleep best when he is not in teh same room bc he gets up alot and he isnt "light on his feet" when he does. I slept last night from 9-6am ( we had a massive storm so i didnt actually fall asleep till about 11) then i got up, felt like crap, and went back to bed till 9. Then i got up and actually MADE myself eat some rice cereal with 1/2banana and almond milk. It sat ok. Then i read and...fell asleep again till 12:30. I think i clocked in 16 hours. And I am planning on clocking in at least 9 tonight.

I am a sleeper. I was never a "Sleep to escape" person, like not like i needed it to not be depressed, but in college I never pulled an all nighter and usually if i was up till midnight it was rare. Maybe after finals, but i swear anytime i stayed up past 1 or 2 I would get sick. So now I am an 8-9 hour girl. My dad is the same way, my sister elizabeth as well. It must be genetic. And really I can tell you that up until I was in my 40's I never got sick and I never got injured. TO play D1 sports and never be injured is pretty rare I think. Of course that was maybe when people didnt train like crazypeople. Anyways. I also know that despite not feeling it, the stress of the last year has taken its toll. I have been sick more this past year than I have in ??? I cant remember. Not deathly ill but stuff that never happened before, so now its operation rest and sleep and heal. And also not worry. Good luck with that one, right?

Leg is doing great. I go back to see the "tenderizer" tommorrow so i will be sore for a few days. All joking aside what Josh does, the deep transverse friction massage, is what really re-aligns the tissue and helps it gorw back and "work" how it should. The PRP is the catalyst and now with Josh's chinese torture for the next two weeks and some eccentric strength, the leg will be good to go for the rest of the season. I know darn well that things dont heal in 2 weeks. more like 6 weeks and 6 mos for good, but I am praying this holds thru Madison. and if i need another shot i know now what to expect. But lets assume this is going to stick. IF i can keep my side of the bargain, Rest, hopefully I can PLAY a bit on the race course even before Madison.